Life Update

I don’t often post about my personal life on this blog. For starters, I am a fairly personal person. I don’t like to talk about my struggles, especially when I’m in thick of it. But life took a pretty significant turn over the last few months and I’m at a point where I am ready to write/talk about it.

I am 36 years old and I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I found the initial lump very early in November. After mammograms, ultrasounds, and biopsies, I was officially diagnosed with bilateral invasive ductal carcinoma on December 28, 2022. I already get mammograms once a year, but I had missed mine in 2022. I had done a self exam completely on a whim, when a friend found a lump, not expecting that I would find anything.

The experience has been surreal. Even 6 months later I wonder how this is my life. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster for many reasons. Therapy has been tremendously helpful in validating my feelings and experience. It’s been helpful to process the various reality check moments that come with this.

Thankfully, it was stage 1, grade 2 and so far all best case scenario, with one hiccup in the long term prevention plan. What many don’t realize, myself included at first, is best case scenario still stills means a long drawn out treatment process. It still means uncertainty. There is still a huge sense of loss of control.

I am starting the next stage of this which is radiation. I am both ready to move on and get through this but also nervous. I am one big step away from being done with the “big” parts of treatment. Next will be focusing on the long term aspect which will be prevention.

Cancer has taken away control and choice. That’s been one of the hardest things to reconcile and accept, so that I can focus on what I do have control over. I have had to really work hard to focus on not what has been taken from me. I have also never felt more vulnerable, except for perhaps childbirth.

More to come on my thoughts and experience. This is me now just submitting this to the universe.